The one change I need to bring in my parenting style

by - 3/30/2023


As my elder one just turned 9, I realised it was time for serious introspection. I mean her actual birthday was 2 weeks back, but like every year, it was in the thick of her final exams. Following the tradition, we celebrated it on the last Sunday of March, so that everyone of her friends was free and could make it. Although I had been contemplating for quite some time about the changes I needed to make in my parenting style, her party was kind of a deadline for me and I decided to take action.




The single change that I wish to adopt is "Gentle Parenting".


I have been brought up in a typical Bengali household: single child, mother quitting her job and everything to fully devote herself to the kid's upbringing. This means that I was the biggest "project" for my mom. And of course like any control freak manager, my mom used to get pretty pushy and mad when I performed less than her expectations; which were pretty high. 



Consequently, I had always been a top achiever, be it in every field: academics, music, dance and art. As I started growing up, there was no more need of a push from her side anymore because the high I used to get from achieving and praises from others were enough of a motivation.



It was after my marriage that reality hit me. Since I was pretty naive (I was 22) and was still in medical College; I didn't know how to handle people since I hadn't worked before. Till then, I had been living in a bubble. It wasn't until I started my first job in a clinic that I actually learned how to deal with the problems life throws at you on a regular basis. My maturity started increasing after I became a mom for the first time.



What I want to convey is that being an achiever in the professional field and succeeding in life are two completely different roles. Being a child of my mom, I sometimes tend to go overboard with pushing my elder daughter into studies. I get really stressed and eventually mad during her exams, when she doesn't study according to the demand of her syllabus. This is where I need to bring the real change in my parenting style.



Having witnessed only my mom, I naturally tend to act like her and get pushy and rude. Next time my elder daughter drives me mad, I will try to remember the promise I made to myself. My elder one is not an easy child to deal with, she's extremely moody and a grumpy person. And being 9, her hormones are playing big time with her and she bursts into tears without much apparent reason. Hence being patient with her is extremely challenging. However I have decided to remember 2 mantras that I found inspirational from other mommies whom I idealise.



a. You can't pour from an empty cup. Hence I will try to fill my own cup first; that is do things that make me happy.

b. A happy mom is the secret to happy kids. Of course I have to be happy because their behaviour would be a direct reflection of mine.

So I am not going to scream at her or insult her when she doesn't behave. I will be try to firm, but in a gentle, civilised manner.



To conclude, it was a Princess Party and Mohi was dressed as Belle. The party was an enormous success and I loved planning every bit of it. Both my kids' parties done, I can rest for the next 9 months πŸ˜‚




This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.

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19 comments

  1. How are you as a person that I know personally because we travelled together. I have seen the way we spoke about your daughters, family and clearly I saw the love and compassion in your eyes. Now after reading this post, I can imagine how patiently you are managing your daughters as a mom, as their best friends. Mohi lookes adorable and I really enjoyed these pictures too.

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  2. Beautiful post, as usual. Gentle parenting--yes, I need to learn and apply that now.

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  3. That yellow cake sure is a sign of cheer. And happiness does bring out the best in us. I am not a mom, but for years, i kept pushing myself. And then I realised that all I needed to do was let go to become the best version of myself. When you are at ease, you do more.

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  4. Your daughter looks adorable and your party looks like it was a success. I totally agree with you that a happy mom raises happy kids and hence it is necessary to make yourself priority and be healthy and happy to keep your kids happy and healthy.

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  5. It was a good read, ur right our kods are a reflection of what we are thats what I have come to realization. Its lovely to adopt to a change offcourse that isn't easy but u know ur making this for the ones u love. A happy mom = Happy Kids.

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  6. We all know that being a balanced parent is not an easy job Mandira. I too yell at my girls but mostly on the disciplinary front. The fact that you are aware n want to change is a big step in itself. My elder daughter is 13 now n I have just about started controlling my urge to yell.

    I totally resonate with one thing that uv written above- being an achiever in the professional field and succeeding in life are two different things.

    Happy belated birthday to your Princess... as usual.... everything looks perfectπŸ‘Œ. Are u a virgo by any chance?πŸ˜‰... Kaveri

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  7. I am so glad to see that you are taking the initiative to make a positive change in your parenting style. It takes a lot of courage and self-reflection to acknowledge areas where we can improve as parents, and you are setting a great example for others to follow. I also loved the theme of your daughter's birthday party, and the pictures are absolutely adorable! It's great to see that you are prioritizing your child's happiness and well-being. Love the post!
    -Anjali

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  8. First of all a belated happy birthday to the cutie pie and baby you are looking like a princess and I wish god bless you with all success and happiness in your life. Coming to Mommy Mandira ... Dear friend you are a wonderful mommy who thinks positive and thats why took initiative in bringing positive changes in your parenting style. The overall theme and arrangement of the function was done beautifully and I loved it... I am planning for my son's first birthday... Thanks for inspiring me to be a lovely parent like you....Much love.

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  9. After fun travel blogs your personal thoughts are even more interesting. Yes, parents have forgotten gentle parenting due to fast life, keeping up with the Joneses, gadgets and phones. Its a bhaag bhaag world and I see new parents shouting at their kids most of the time. Bless you for being a gentle parent.

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  10. Same goes with me too. We want OUR child should not go through the failure. And so we tend to pushing them to study as per our expectations. Every year i want to change myself but enable to do.

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  11. Firstly, a belated happy birthday to Mohi. God bless her. Parenting these days is very different from our times. Back then, it was considered okay to shout at children and even hit them. The main this is that we should let our children do what they love and not put our expectations on them.

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  12. No matter how much we see, observe or read, parenting is learnt on-the-job since there's never a one-rule-suits-all. Gentle parenting will work for a while and maybe will have to change when she grows up. That's how life is, but yes we must be happy to keep others happy.

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  13. Zenobia Merchant2 April 2023 at 16:53

    Thank you for this. As a mom of 2 girls myself, I totally relate to each and every thing you've mentioned. I did the exact same as you and am myself learning to be calm and gentle with my girls. I loved the 2 takeaways from your posts and I am exactly trying to imbibe them in my life :-)

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  14. It's so important to keep analysing and growing oneself and I love how you continue to do that in each blog post. Gentle parenting sounds like a great approach and I think your child will benefit from it

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  15. That seems be one happy , successful birthday party. Gentle parenting is also needed to befriend children so they
    Speak up about their pelroblems to parents.

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  16. Subconsciously we tend to imitate out parents in many things. If we didn't like anything in our own childhood, it is good that we make a choice to be different. But identifying if we are doing that or not it a big thing as sometimes when we are on the other side, we feel we are right ;-)

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  17. First of all, happy birthday to your lovely daughter. Everything in the party looks amazing! I'm sure everyone enjoyed! It's great that you've got to reflect on the kind of parenting you do. We all know that there isn't any guide book to parenting so making time to see and find out what works and not on the way to do makes a difference. - MommyWithAGoal

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  18. Belated birthday wishes to your little princess, Mandira. Lovely pics. I see a lot of parents switching to gentle parenting. It seems the need of the hour.

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  19. You have made a good resolve which all mothers should emulate.
    Noor

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