Marriage: A pious institution or a facade?

by - September 11, 2024

 


We (millennials and the previous generations) have been taught from early age that marriage, family and kids are the ultimate goals in life. No matter how successful you are professionally, you need a happy family to be accomplished. However as the world is taking new strides everyday, the perception about "accomplishment" is changing.

Remember the iconic pop star Daler Mehandi? He was incarcerated for helping people in illegal migration and consequently citizenship. While that was one of the first, attaining citizenship via immoral or illegal means has been on the rise ever since and marriages are one of the commonest weapons used for the same. I don't want to sound pessimistic here or as someone who is viewing the glass as half empty. Too many cases have been witnessed by me in the recent times that has led me pondering on this topic.
One of my classmates from school (and a childhood neighbour, that's why I know him so closely) had been residing in the states after he finished his engineering. Now to say that he has never been with anyone for 10 years would be preposterous but he managed to convince his Indian mom otherwise. Since marriage is such a humungous issue for us Desi people, the parents managed to find a very pretty (and talented, she's an anesthesiologist) girl for him. They got married in an extravagant Indian wedding (it was a school reunion for us) and they flew off. Over the few years, the aunties began discussing their prospect of having kids (again typical Indian mentality) and why they should hurry up. I, however started doubting the legitimacy of their union when he attended his younger brother's wedding without his wife, citing her emergency hospital duties. As I had predicted, they are legally not together anymore. The girl had gotten her PR and the guy is with his long term American partner. Of course this was a calculated move benefiting both the parties. And this is not at all uncommon. I have a number of classmates who have undergone this exact same thing.
I have witnessed many couples migrating to USA from different parts of the world, residing there and then going apart after they receive their green card or citizenship. Cheating is another chapter altogether but using marriage for business gains puts a legit question mark on the sanctity of marriage itself. 
I was watching the reboot of Dynasty when writing on this topic struck me. And I landed on the latest show of Nicole Kidman "The perfect couple" and again it sent me in a tizzy! I get that marriage is shown as a farce on the silver screen but this is the actual reality on so many levels. Annulments and divorce for monetary gains has put the sanctity of marriage at stake. Even the concept of open marriage baffles me. Why even get married if you can't stay committed? Just for the social status? Isn't "open" and "marriage" paradoxical?
The intense pressure of social media and the desire to paint the perfect picture on screen has got a lot to do with the crumbling of real relationships. The efforts to portray themselves perfectly is so hard that they are too tired to put real efforts into the actual relationship. People have started believing in weddings and not marriages. I have acquaintances in the merchant navy where they are fully committed for 6 months and having "fun" the other six, while on board. 

Call me old fashioned, but I feel that there is no "grey area" in a marriage. You are either 100% in or fully out. You can't love or commit to more than one person at a time. And using it as a weapon for immigration is disgustingly low because this is making the lives of real married couples difficult. The number of documents required for visa and all get annoying and so does the process. Our parents and their generation didn't even get their their marriage registered, yet they have been together for about 40 years. Where has this commitment gone?

Is marriage still a pious institution? Or is it just a fancy facade?

This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon 2024.


This post was created for the Blogaberry Creative (Monthly) Challenge.

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15 comments

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. It can be both depending on what one wants from it. Although like you, the 'practical' arrangements aren't acceptable to me.

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  3. I have many stories from my own community on migration to Canada in pretext of marriage, I agree that today many have made it a tool of convenience or pragmatic materialism, but for many like us, marriage is a blessing. I would like to embed the same in my child.

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  4. Yeah, people think differently now-a-days. More than having a family, they look for opportunities that will benefit them, mostly monetarily, or perhaps peace of mind. Sad state of the world. And, divorce rates are slowly but surely increasing in India, too.

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  5. Marriage is an institution, it is people who give it bad name. It is like nuclear energy, it can treat disease, it can generate electricity at the same time in the wrong hand can devastate the world. Those who use marriage for wrong goals are not right, neither it is correct to disparage marriage because people misuse it for personal gains. This is not to undermine challenges in today's society. Boy and girl may be ambitious, may be working in high pressure jobs, it is likely they may not have time for each other and marriage falls apart. So it is important to look before you take the leap.

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  6. This is definitely a topic worth discussing. Gone are the days when marriage was the end goal of a happily ever after in a romance book. Now, its often the start of a mystery /thriller Netflix show. It tells so much about what our society priorities now. Foreign citizenship by hook or crook. Or in this case the Varmala 🙄

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  7. Marriage is such a complex phenomenon. It gives you a companion, someone to share your life with, but sometimes we don't know who the correct partner is. I don't know what to say--good or bad, but marriage has its pros and cons for whatever the reasons.

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  8. Marriage can be a wonderful institution, leading to a happy family across generations if handled right. When both partners are committed to a thriving marriage, it has a fair chance of survival.

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  9. Unfortunately, true. Some we get to know while others remain in wraps forever.

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  10. Such a thought-provoking post!

    It’s true that marriage, once seen as a sacred bond, has taken on so many different forms in today’s world—some of which challenge its traditional values.

    I completely agree with you on the importance of commitment, and it’s heartbreaking to see how some people use marriage as a transaction or a shortcut for personal gain. It does make you wonder about the real purpose behind modern marriages—are they built on love and trust, or just societal pressure and convenience?

    This is such an important conversation we need to keep having. 💭✨

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  11. The definition of commitment itself keeps changing and has become quite relative. Obviously that has seeped into the institution of marriage too.

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  12. Nice to know about your perspective on marriage. It is definitely a complex institution. The use of marriage as a procedure to settle overseas is pathetic.

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  13. What is baffling is why a bright young Aesthetician needed the facade of a marriage to settle or practice abroad, she could have pulled it off on her own.

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  14. Your reflections on marriage really hit home. I appreciate how you highlight the contrast between traditional views of marriage and the evolving perceptions in today’s society. It’s true that many of us grew up believing that a successful life is synonymous with marriage and family, but the reality often feels much more complex.

    Your examples are striking, especially the story of your classmate. It’s disheartening to see how some people treat marriage as a mere transaction rather than a commitment. This misuse of the institution for practical gains, like immigration, definitely raises serious questions about its sanctity. It feels like a betrayal to those who enter marriage with genuine intentions.

    I also resonate with your observation about social media’s influence. The pressure to portray a perfect relationship online often overshadows the effort required to maintain real connections. It seems like many people are more focused on the spectacle of a wedding rather than the hard work that goes into a lasting marriage.

    Your perspective on open marriages is thought-provoking, too. It does raise questions about commitment and the essence of what marriage should represent. The idea of being “all in” versus maintaining multiple connections feels crucial to understanding genuine relationships.

    Your insights remind us that while marriage can be a beautiful institution, it also faces challenges that reflect broader societal changes. I think your call for a return to genuine commitment is something many can relate to. Thank you for sharing such a candid take on this complex topic!

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