What not to expect on Valentine's Day
Disclaimer: Those who are madly in love or see life through rose tinted glasses, please refrain from reading this post.
Is love really in the air? Or is it just a marketing gimmick? I mean is love really decking up the surroundings in shades of pink and red, getting the prettiest flowers and candies and riding high on impressing or out doing your significant other in pampering? Well I am not sure. Social media and mainstream marketing has set up such unrealistic expectations from this day (Valentine's Day if you haven't got it yet) ; that you start self doubting whether your relationship is real, if you don't adhere to the traditional norms that have been laid by the marketing police.
Now the big question is, am I even eligible to comment on this stuff? Well, yes I believe. We just completed 13 years of marriage last week and it was a love marriage according to society. Although I don't categorise our marriage as "love marriage" because there was hardly any dating period. We got engaged after 2 months of meeting each other and he had proposed me for marriage on our 2 nd date. I was in my final year of medical College and couldn't resist having an orthopaedic surgeon as my husband (nerdy goals). But love marriage for sure as we chose each other , not exactly to our parents ' wishes and of course an intercommunity marriage (with 180 degrees opposite customs). We have gone through numerous ups and downs and continue to do so, so maybe my two cents on Vday celebration might take away the pressure from numerous young couples.
1. We shouldn't place too much expectations and hope on Valentine's Day.
Okay I get it. I used to be that overtly demanding girl back in college where going out on a date meant expensive gifts, flowers and a meal at a fancy restaurant. However, love or most importantly commitment is immaterial. My husband doesn't believe in gifting (partly because he's a miser 🤣) but mostly because he feels that he's commitment to our family is his biggest gift. The long hours he puts in the hospital is for our secure future and there shouldn't be any stupid material expectations like flowers and chocolates. Save up for travel experiences!
So while it's lovely to have a bouquet of overpriced red roses on Vday, if your significant other doesn't do that, it doesn't disqualify him from being a good partner.
2. Real life is not at all what social media portrays.
Being a writer and a content creator for 11 years now, I can safely say that we can go to any damn extent to make everything looks pretty. Be it a written anecdote or a picture perfect family photoshoot, everything and anything can be a lie. So don't ever feel FOMO. You really don't know the real story behind a couple's romantic picture or a reel. Maybe it was for the brand? Maybe the creator wants to paint only a pretty picture on her feed and refrains from posting anything negative? Who knows?
Sania Mirza and Shoaib Malik still haven't openly declared their separation. They have so many couple contracts together worth billions that they simply can't be honest to themselves; leave alone the rest of the world. The celeb influencers are nothing less than them. Aakriti Rana could declare her divorce five years after her separation, just because of various contracts. So while we were swooning over their picture perfect portraits, they were not even sharing the same roof! More recently, look at Kusha Kapila and her ex.
3. Emotional intimacy is way more important than physical intimacy.
I read this on Chriselle Lim's post, when she she was interviewing Jessi Malay. It really set me pondering. JM said that it's way more difficult to be emotionally naked than stripping your clothes in front of your partner. JM seemed and still seems to be very emotionally secure (who knows btw) but Chriselle was going through a divorce (which became obvious to the world years after that interview).
Are you really comfortable in letting your guard down in front of your partner? Have you ever been completely vulnerable? Have you ever expressed your deepest insecurities to your significant other? Well if your answer is yes, then you have a real relationship, even if the heat has subsided between the sheets.
I recently read somewhere that really made a lasting impression on me. " You look for someone with whom you want to grow old. However you should look for that person with whom you can forever remain a child".
That's enough cynicism for this season. Let me know your thoughts below. Please be honest!
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.
27 comments
Agree with all your points. Especially with the expectation part. And emotional intimacy is way more important than physical intimacy.
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more with you. You have to not only accept your partner's pros but also cons too the way they are. Love is respect, trust and emotional connection too. Great post.
ReplyDeleteWELL SAID, RATHER THAN FOCUS ON ONE DAY, EVERY DAY SHOULD BE VALENTINE'S DAY--EVERY MOMENT SHOULD BE A VALENTINE MOMENT, where love is constantly celebrated in many actions and not just with flowers and wine or finery.
ReplyDeleteFirst off - those were really fun pictures! and secondly i completely agree with you. In fact my boyfriend (now husband) and I never really celebrated Valentines Day - both firmly believing that we are above these marketing gimmicks and that our love was much deeper!
ReplyDeleteRelationships are messy, and that's okay. Let's embrace the imperfections and focus on what truly matters. Love isn't about grand gestures, it's about those quiet moments of vulnerability and understanding.
ReplyDeleteYour post is an interesting one. Love is difficult to maintain, having its temptations and uncertainties. Human minds function in erratic ways depending on how the body behaves, traditional demands, and the market in contemporary times. Tradition has set priorities that marriage is for wealth and procreation, not a mutually supportive and emotionally satisfying companionship. In the present day, marriage is not love as a private matter but a public show on Instagram. The truth wilters under the pressure of all these.
ReplyDeleteAn absolutely realistic post about V-Day expectations as a married couple. Maybe the inital years are still all about the mush and trying to please, but as you age together the material stuff, gifts and such; hardly bother as they are soemthing we keep recieving and gifting throughout the year and don't need a particular day.
ReplyDeleteYour blog offers intriguing insights. Love presents challenges amid temptations and uncertainties. Human behavior is influenced by various factors like societal norms and market trends. Traditionally, marriage was seen as a means for wealth and reproduction rather than emotional fulfillment. Nowadays, marriage is often portrayed more as a public display on social media than a private bond. Amidst these influences, the essence of love may sometimes fade away.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I never celebrate Valentine's Day. A quite dinner at home and sometimes a small cupcake. No red roses (or any flowers for that matter), no teddies, no chocolates, no promises, no proposals. Nothing from that entire week leading up to the D-Day (or should we say V-day?) This is also a bit because our anniversary falls only few days later after all this (sham?) on 21st Feb which deserves a true and better celebration. All the points that you've put across are so valid and true. I especially want to emphasize on the third point i.e. emotional intimacy>physical intimacy because ultimately this is what strengthens the bond more than anything else I believe.
ReplyDeleteWhat whirlwind romance it was! Someday I will sit and get all the juicy details of that from you. Coming from 13 years of marriage is such wisdom !! I think all these beautifully portray the reality of real love , that part about social media is so correct , creates unnecessary pressure on couples after seeing all those lovey-dovey reels.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you on this.a lot of time it's just social media that makes people do things and not for themselves. I absolutely love the last line, looking for a person with whom we can become a child
ReplyDeleteIntresting post. I agree on every point. Love should not be demanding. It is very difficult to maintain love in a marriage and accept the love the way it comes.
ReplyDeletelove marriage or arranged it is about togetherness that gives happiness to each other. 13 years great dear. Best wishes always.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you. When you're in a relationship, it's important to accept your partner's strengths and weaknesses just as they are. Love is respect, trust, and emotional connection. Best wishes to both of you. Stay blessed dear.
ReplyDeleteBoth of us aren't overtly romantic and definitely not for portraying the perfect picture to others. Our idea of romance is just being together, whether at home or out on dates. My husband too is a miser (!) and doesn't believe in gifting, but that's ok. The happiness and stability that he brings in my life is the biggest gift I could ask for!
ReplyDeleteI am a hard core romantic but don't relate to the extravaganzas of V day although I don't mind if I get gifts or flowers😊. What really matters to me are the little things in everyday life... a look, a gesture, a word, a touch, a hug. I love to feel love... see I told u I am a sucker for romance.
ReplyDeleteYour pic with the vintage car is so cool Mandira... it is giving me couple goals... hahaha!
I agree with all your points especially when comes to be emotionally intimate with your partner. I feel many relationships take long time to be that intimate to know each other well.
ReplyDeleteWe all show our love differently. My husband was not big on show but the small things he did were what that mattered. He loved flowers more than I do.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post - a more realistic telling of love and a good relationship. you are right, social media gives a very story-bookish idea of what to expect from valentines, our partners and love in general!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing this one. People expect so much on such days/occasions and then if others fail to fullfill those expectations then it's really awkward situation.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your insights and offering a different perspective on Valentine's Day celebrations. Your two cents carry a lot of wisdom and sincerity, and I'm sure many young couples will find comfort and reassurance in your words. Here's to many more years of love, growth, and shared adventures with your husband!
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad someone dared to say this. The entire festival is made for simps to spend more.
ReplyDeleteThis post hits home! As someone married for 9 years, I totally relate. It's refreshing to hear real talk about love, especially amidst all the V-day hype. Emotional connection trumps roses any day. Thanks for the honesty!
ReplyDeletesuch fun pictures and valid points!
ReplyDeleteSo we are not alone.. Hahaha. I believe in celebrating love everyday. Emotional availability is the key rest will follow. Can't agree more with all your pointers.
ReplyDeleteI agree on the point 'emotional intimacy is more important that physical.' Its so true that this is how life should move on. And as your rightly said, social media is not all real.
ReplyDeleteSeriously I loved everything of the post... emotional intimacy is much more than physical intimacy.
ReplyDelete