What seven years of motherhood taught me!

by - 6/02/2021

 

First time motherhood is more of a scary experience. You are constantly juggling multiple things together.. Your new identity of being a mom, the sole caregiver of a tiny little fragile human, expectations from yourself, your family and the society and a muddle of hormones. If you succeed in surviving all of these, then you may be able to find excitement in your little bundle of joy. Sad part is that no one prepares you for all this. Motherhood has been very different for my two kids. It's easier with my younger one as I know what to expect and what to do. 

So my first born turned 7 this March. She's been my experiment as well as my teacher. Here are 7 things that I would have dealt differently if she was my second child. Hope new moms can find something useful here. 

1. People are to be loved and things are to be used. 

Since I am a single child, I have never co habited with any other kid. I am the youngest of my cousins too. My daughter is the first baby I had held at the age of 24 years. So really did not know the behaviour of babies as such. When she used my spoil my things, I used to get really upset. Sometimes I used to yell at her and sometimes I used to go mum in grief. She has destroyed stuff worth thousands and thousands (jewelry, gadgets, home decor, cosmetics) but more important than their fiscal value, those things were close to my heart; which I had curated with so much devotion. 

However with time I realized that 'things' hold a very little value. My younger one spoils way more many things because firstly we have way more stuff than 5 years back and secondly I am unable to hover around her 24*7  since I have two kids and a big family to look after.  But this time around, I don't scold her. If I get upset, it's temporary and I try to get back to normal ASAP.

2. Don't cook special meals for your child separately.

The sooner you realize this, it's better for both of you. Introduction to a variety of foods is important right from an early age. The kid's taste buds will adapt to that. My younger one has developed a more diverse palate than her elder sister.

3. Be realistic in your expectations. 

My elder one frustrates and infuriates me in more ways than one. She just isn't the type of kid that I had dreamed of. However sometimes it makes me question myself. How come I am so content with my younger one who is way more demanding while I am complaining about my elder one's misbehaviour? It's maybe because I have too much expectations from her!

Maybe I want her to be disciplined like an adult, maybe I want her to obey me like an ideal offspring. And since I have learned motherhood the hard way, I accept all the flaws of my younger one. I don't expect her to be non fussy and obedient and maybe that's why I am happy the way she is.

I am learning everyday.

4. Consistency is the key

Whether be it studies or music classes, conversing in English or Pranayam, we need to be consistent with the kids. I can't teach her 2 to 20 tables in one week and expect her to remember that the next week! I am teaching myself to be consistent with her everyday; especially since I know that this year too I am going to her  sole tutor.

Notice her "Unicorn wings' and LEGO bracelet she made herself

5. Give yourself grace

I used to beat myself up if I could not feed her to my satisfaction or she was not massaged properly or she got less nap time. Now I am more relaxed. I allow them screen time and the permission to scream and scribble on the walls. This continuous lockdown has really been hard and I was harder on myself the past year. This year, I am not. My sanity and well being is more important in order to be a good mother to them.


6. Start everything early

Whether be it potty training or Nursery rhymes, start early. I am not suggesting that it's a race, but I honestly feel that I am a better mother to my younger one. If you start early, then you are not hurrying for the finish line.


7. Don't miss the early years of your child. Quit your job if you need to. It's 200% worth it. This time will never come back.

I worked full time all through my pregnancy. I completed my Masters in Hospital Administration  during the first year of my baby and then again joined working full time. Now that I am nurturing my younger one 24*7, I truly feel that I have missed out my first born's childhood. I was so overwhelmed with my Post Partum Depression and personal issues, my clinic/ workplace used to be a pleasant escape for me. But that has cost me the joys of early motherhood. I am really grateful that I got to experience it again, in a much sustained, intentional way.

Everyone is different but I would suggest to work from home or take a break to devote yourself to your little one.

Mohi is born on 11 March, so it's in the middle of annual exams. We may never be able to celebrate publicly on her real day.

Like every year, this time too we had two celebrations. The first homely one on her real birthday and then a bigger one with friends two weeks later; after the exams got over.

As you must have already noticed, it was a unicorn party. It was THE FIRST 'SOCIAL' gathering after 14 long months. We are literally blessed to have such tight friends who love our daughter dearly.

The theme was pink, purple and white. The cake is one of the prettiest of cakes that Mohi has had; except for her second birthday party (which was a huge 5 kg cake). I cooked everything myself although I have become a little rusty in hosting after a 12 month gap. 

Now that we are deep in lockdown, looking back, I am really satisfied that we could celebrate my first born's birthday when the dreadful second phase had not arrived yet.

Again thankful to God for the little pleasures of life and for blessing me with two darling daughters. Right now motherhood may seem extremely exhausting and frustrating but I know 10 years down the line, I am going to miss these years of rollercoaster ride.


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17 comments

  1. i love the entire write up . 7th birthday wishes to your sweetheart. with motherhood everyday is a learning, lovely pointers shared by you

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  2. So a beautiful writeup. I totally agree with ur many points like no to separate food for kids, teaching before time etc.

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  3. This is such a sweet post and a celebration of your seven years of motherhood. Our children indeed teach us a lot. Giving time to a kid is really so important in the eary years for parents.

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  4. Wishing your little one a very Happy Birthday 🎂🥳. I have a little toddler at home and your experience will surely help me.
    Manisha

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  5. Indeed motherhood teaches a lot to us. I have also reached the 8 years mark of my daughter and have learnt the most and agree with the points you have mentioned in this post.

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  6. Bedabrata Chakraborty5 June 2021 at 11:57

    The photos ooze so much cuteness. Drooling at the unicorn cake. Many Happy Returns!

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  7. We all learn through experience and must say that your pointers are a good remibder for all mothers to step towards selfcare too.

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  8. Motherhood is a constant process of learning and unlearning things. Even I learnt that I shouldn't cook separate meal for my son rather try to fit him with usual family food.

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  9. happy birthday wishes for the princess. lovely article of your learnings. giving yourself grace really resonated with me - indeed, mothers need to give themselves space and that is A-okay!

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  10. Motherhood is indeed wonderful and an experience to cherish for lifetime. I have seen your journey from being mother to one, then two beautiful daughters. Very well written, Mandira :)

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    1. Thank you Rahul! You are very sweet. When I first attended my IB meet, the skyscanner one where we met you, I was expecting my first child. Time flies!

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  11. Lovely motherhood feelings u have poured. Happy 7th birthday to ur kid!

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  12. Nice lessons indeed and some of the important ones. I do not have kids but I could relate to them as I have seen my cousin's kid and experienced these things. By the way Happy birthday to your daughter.

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  13. What a beautiful post. Motherhood is such a blessing and you have wonderfully penned out your thouvhts as a mother. HPpy birthday to your Princess.

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  14. Everyone has different parenting story. I really enjoy both my kids childhood.
    But they have mentioned great pointers

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  15. Even I've been through 7 years of motherhood and what a journey has it been. So glad to know about your moments. Cheers to us Mamas and the feeling that we share.

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  16. Same pinch. I've too have been in motherhood for 7 years and what not I've learnt and discovered about life and myself in this time. Kids give us a new perspective to see things which is totally different from what we saw earlier.

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