10 Things 10 years of marriage taught me

by - 2/24/2021

 


This blog started as a journal to document our travels and personal stories and milestones. Well that was way before even my first daughter was born. So practically, my blog is my first born! Life got overloaded with other priorities and I started writing less. My articles started catering more to what might be helpful to you all; my loyal readers, than what might be a personal documentation. But 10 years of marriage is a huge milestone...Don't you feel? Well I do! So my emotional judgement caught better of me and I decided to write something that would help lot of couples who are contemplating to take the plunge or are going through a difficult phase in their relationships. If you are here only for 'unreal, rosy' anecdotes, then this is not for you because let's get real guys. Life is a mammoth more than what we seen on Instagram or magazines. For those who are new here, I got married to my husband when I was still in college. I said yes to his proposal on our second date (2 weeks of meeting), got engaged within 2 months and then married within 9 months of our first meet! Life is a whirlwind 😁

This article is from my point of view (wife's perspective). I am unsure what my husband has learnt as he is not that articulate in this chapter and he's definitely not going to know what I have learnt because he does not read my blog :D





1. Everyone's love language is different.

We grow up reading all those mushy books and watching Rom coms where the guy always opens the door of the car, brings flowers, gives foot massage, etc etc. However the reality is far from it. Every guy has a different way of expressing his love and my husband is no different. It took me 10 years to understand this. For him loving me isn't getting me roses or helping with household chores or patiently listening to me; he never does these *sigh*  But he loves shooting me on his camera, planning trips for us, getting bagfuls of exotic groceries so that I can whip up something fancy in my kitchen! I know...so different yet this is his way of showing love.

2. Acceptance is the key to peace.

Most of the 'feminists' would bash me for this but believe me, rebelling would not get anywhere; it would only rob you off your peace of mind.  I used to be an obsessively cleanliness freak which led to too much stress in our household. We are polar opposites when it comes to aesthetics and cleanliness. Gradually I learnt not to nag him and do everything myself because that's the most peaceful thing to do. And he has accepted my autonomy in the decor department and cleaning is completely my forte.

3. Don't ever get verbally abusive

Altercations can take an ugly turn but I have never ever used abusive language in our 10 years of marriage and would suggest the same to everyone else. Please treat him with respect; all the time. 

4. Be honest with each other all the time; but do not share secrets about people who are not related to him. 

Honesty is the best and a non negotiable policy when it comes to each other. But we (girls) should always refrain from sharing our girlfriend's secrets or maternal familial intimate issues that does not concern him because there should always be this line. 

5. Adorn your home with beautiful memories

Marriage is full of ups and downs but that's how life is right? You should not get those lows bury you when you are going through a rough patch. I have decorated our walls with stunning travel photographs from our globe trotting adventures and they serve as a daily reminder of the endless priceless memories. Daily reminders are very important. It can be pictures, souvenirs, knick knacks (eg menu from your favourite restaurant), anything that strikes a chord with you and your family.

6. If it does not matter in 5 years, it does not deserve more than 5 minutes of introspection.

The wet towel is on the bed; I know gross. He has forgotten your birthday, insensitive. He does not help you with your household chores; so misogynistic right? These all are fuel for ugly fights but deep down, they are really not going to matter in the future. What matters more is securing a sound financial future, loyality and care for each other. These should be non negotiable.

7. Don't drag the family in  your marriage

I can sense the contradiction even while I am typing this because it's so obvious in Indian households. My lawyer friend tells me that 70% of Indian marriages break up because of family interference. In India, the girl gets married to the entire family and is supposed to take care of everyone; which again gives rise to innumerable feuds.

Don't spoil your relationship with your spouse because of his family. Compartmentalise. Turn a blind eye and deaf ear. If you are in charge of taking care of all (I know, it's very taxing) try and coax your husband to pamper you, listen to you in return. Vent out in journals; but don't poison your marriage because of his family.

8. Celebrate small things.

Most people tend to associate celebrations with squandering but it's so not true. Celebration can be done inside your home most of the times. Order something delicious or cook a fancy meal, elevate your decor, get some of your favourite drinks and turn on the music. Set some rituals of your own. Start new traditions.

9. Say I Love You often

These are magical words which melt me even when I am at the peak of my rage. I have learnt to say these three words without any reason; because there should not be any; to blurt them out. I say them to my husband and my girls; multiple times a day. Believe me, it makes ME happier too.

10. The harshest but an honestly bitter truth is that if you love yourself way too much, DON'T EVER GET MARRIED. Because my dear unmarried fellas and fellows, marriage is ALL ABOUT GIVING AND COMPROMISE and one is really not left with much time/energy with loving your own self.

There are myriads of other things that I have learnt but I thought of sharing these ones with young couples or couples who are going through a rough patch. Marriage is never easy. The last year has particularly been a Herculean task for all the families out there. But in the end, marriage is EVERYTHING. 

So for our 10 th anniversary, we took a small staycation in a five star property in Gurgaon and my husband gifted me the diamond ring of my dreams to immortalize this decade(and erase all the unsweet events 💁☺👭). Also got a sparkling platinum set from my parents (fully pampered). I am not talking about materialism here. But these are priceless memories which I will cherish forever. I even plan to print some family pictures from this getaway so that I can look back and smile whenever I feel low.



Forever grateful for this tiny world of ours.

You May Also Like

18 comments

  1. Enjoyed reading every bit. All points are so true. We too completed 10 years in dec

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not married yet but yes your lessons and the things you have said here is really good. I too got to know many things.

    ReplyDelete
  3. First many congrats for completing 10 years of marriage. lovely clicks and I agree with each pointers mentioned in post. indeed, making a marriage successful requires a deeper understanding for each other. and should try to create beautiful memories for future rather than focusing on each other's lacking.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hehe first of all congratulations on your decade! Your thoughts are similar to mine. I wrote about couples in general. Check it out when you have time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. firstly congratulations to you.. marriage is not easy.. requires lot of coherence between two individuals and also the ability of accepting each other the way they are and letting go of things.. your post indeed covers it all

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awwww. Enjoyed reading it & learnt so many valuable things. I do follow this too.
    Congratulations for the decade togetherness.
    I will be completing 5years of marriage this month 😆

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mandira - having known the both of you from a long time, I can easily say that you are one of the best couples I have known in the blogging circuit. And yes, you're right. Marriage requires a lot of work!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Congratulations both of you on completing 10 years of togetherness. No marriage is perfect, simple or easy. It does take work, hard work! It takes a lot of commitment and a lot of love.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Congratulations on completing 10 years. It takes a lot of understanding and respect between the two people to make any relationship work including marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Congratulations on the Big 10! Happy Anniversary :)
    Loved the practical approach and genuine advice you have shared. definitely something that would help in everyone's' relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  11. These are some worthy truths of marriage that to be understood soon for a peaceful and happy married life. Communication plays a key role in the marriage and that is the foundation for many more coming years. All the pictures from the trip are awesome , wishing you both many more years of togetherness.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Life is a long journey, with no destination. Thank you so much for making my life complete. You have made journey of my life full of fun and worthy.

    ReplyDelete
  13. God bless you both, you both are lovely couple. I personally know you both so know ,how beautiful you both accept flaws and pride together. Love u both

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow, congratulations for completing 10 years. You have posted such lovel picture. Loved reading the points that has helped you live happily. Communication
    and trust are the key to make any marriage successful.

    ReplyDelete
  15. First of all congratulations on your decade! Loved reading the journey that has helped you live happily.Great thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Even I completed 10 years to my marriage this Jan and couldn't agree with you more on the points you have shared. A good happy married life is based on understanding and love and there is nothing that a couple cant solve togther.

    ReplyDelete
  17. These are some priceless learnings actually to lead a happy married life. on a lighter note you have written dont verbally abuse so can we opt for physical action... just kidding.

    ReplyDelete